really it has been. I haven’t gone on tumblr in awhile. I thought it would be nice to come back to see if the people I used to know still use it. Or how active some of the people I used to follow are. 

I’ve gone back to check up on people I haven’t even spoken to in a number of years. Although I remember saying we should keep in touch, if anything was to arise I would only be a phone call away. I really am a terrible person. Over the years I’ve walked out of a lot of peoples lives. Honestly I don’t have an excuse for it. I walked away from people, some didn’t deserve it, some did. What sucked was that back then I couldn’t differentiate who was in which category, I just filed everyone out the door without a care in the world. 

I’ve come to a crossroad where I think it would be a great time if I could reach out to those people again, but it could also bring about the ideas of bad intentions. Maybe I’m just trying to find an old part of me that can tell me that I can still pick myself up. I mean I have a partner, but sometimes what she says isn’t the most encouraging, the most helpful. I have friends, but they’re all very generic in their advice. 

I hope you’ve been alright though. I haven’t. I had dreams. I had ambition. It’s all past tense unfortunately. I don’t feel like I have anything. I feel like I should just give up on those fleeting thoughts. Maybe I should give up my last bit of colour and just turn grey like the rest of the world. Day in and day out, march to the same rhythm. Where’s the life I imagined, the fun, care-free, exciting life. Man I was delusional. Pipe-dreams. 

I just need some help, life advice, life coaching, life anything. I just feel more dead inside every single day, knowing I have to wake up to a 9-5. Fuck.